PACIFIC NORTHWEST TREE OCTOPUS
What has eight arms and has a place in the Library of Congress? This guy.
The Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus, or octopus paxarbolis if you're Latin/nasty, is an amphibious arboreal cephalopod which dwells in the lush greenery of the Olympic Peninsula. But that fancy sentence I just wrote leaves out one key detail: it's complete bullshit.
Throughout the Folklord Creature Feature, we've encountered legends that can be traced to a specific origin or person, maybe even a swindler or two. But the Tree Octopus stands somewhat alone as a true modern-day cryptid internet hoax. Before we dash hopes and dreams though, let's check out the mythology.
Said to have evolutionarily adapted to trees, which it swings from like a slimy and horrific Tarzan, the Tree Octopus preys on insects and small vertebrates. Its only known predators are Sasquatch, the occasional bald eagle or for some reason cats. Unfortunately, these little guys are on the endangered species list due to over-forestation.
And that's pretty much all there is to it. Created in 1998 by humor writer Lyle Zapato (which is a FAKE NAME, by the way!), the website about the Tree Octopus is lush with lore only dreamt about by our modern-day TikTokers. Funny ads about Cascadia fashion, posters about saving the species, specifics about its endangerment and even activism message boards about how you can help have endured in internet amber for nearly 30 years. After a decade of being in the ether, the Tree Octopus website transformed from gag into lesson plan. A shining example of modern day hoaxes, it has been used in studies to teach students about Internet literacy. Now, granted, the website has its, shall we say, charms. But back in 1998? This thing would've competed with CNN in its design and authenticity. And, in our modern hellscape of AI, it's important to reflect on the humble roots of the Internet and how dumb we all were—and continue to be!
The Tree Octopus lives on as a fun symbol of the Pacific Northwest and paradoxically catapulted off the endangered species list to taking on a flourishing life of its own. You'd be hard pressed to drive around this neck of the woods at Christmastime and not see at least one of these lil guys hanging in a yard, looking over baby Jesus with his Wisemen compatriots. So, what do we actually define as "real" anymore? Can a deliberate hoax become a fully fledged legend? Or is a story always simply a story? That's for AI to find out.
See you out there.
